Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Amarnath Yatra: Stop thinking start feeling




I was eager  to write about my experience of Amarnath yatra  for a long time. It’s been around 9 months since, I have been there and finally I am trying to pen down my thoughts.  


I won’t go into much of my journey details except for the fact that we did go in a chopper which cut shorts your time of journey by 12 Km as compared to foot travel which is 18 km from Baal taal.
Once you begin the  journey and stand in middle of mountains it’s altogether a different feeling. Weather changes with wave of a hand. Travelling roads are les than a meter wide for both ways traffic with steep fall on one end.  It took us 6 hours to travel 6 km and we were tired as we were about to reach the cave. Now comes the interesting part.  Once you are inside the cave and you hear the chanting of “om” by other devotees there is a electric surge which goes down your spine and revitalizes your spirit. The experience is something which can only be felt and then as a person I realized something’s are spiritual. As a person you feel exposed in front of Lord Shiva. That’s why journey is Stop thinking start feeling.
For those all who are reading it till here, I will recommend you to go and feel the power!! Stop thinking start feeling .

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Art and Science of Public Farting. Become a Fart Warrior: -




Fart is associated with mankind even before the wheel was invented. No one knows how many farts were emitted before the invention or after the invention and made their way into troposphere, Stratosphere and so on.  I hope some lucky farts even made their way into Exosphere and even went to meet some aliens. 

A research has proved that every second thirty million people are farting across the globe. Gee, I am just kidding,though it could be true.  Lot of things have been said about other topics like Art of War( a famous book), Is marketing Art of Science (Philip Kotler) etc. but nothing has been written about understanding human psychology when they fart. 

Believe me nothing gives man/women more pleasure than releasing a fart which they are holding and refusing to let go as they are ashamed as they are surrounded by other people. Fart warriors are those who can fart in group of people and can stay calm and say ‘Why are you looking at me? What happened. Why are you making such a bad face” and then walk out as innocent bunny as nothing happened. 

Farting is a science as it’s a natural phenomenon but staying normal when you doing it is art. I have done it couple of time. So I will share few tips here that will help you to master this technique. 


  1. Whenever you know you are about to fart and are standing in public do deep breathing and then slowly let the air go. This will not be as glamorous as 4000Watt Thunderous ‘no-holds-barred’ fart but you will not get the attention. 
  2. Once it’s released stay calm as a cat. Aplomb is the key. Nothing happened. Right. No one will smell your ass. Though in my school there were some boys who used to smell the ass. Once they did it with me, I released the fart and then went bonkers ;). 
  3.  Sometimes you will be under suspicion radar as I was from my Friends Sniper . The best bet over here is to stay confident and say “Bhencho!! I haven’t done it. If you have any suspicion then follow step 2.
  4.  “With great power come great responsibilities” I never knew spider man farted. I thought it was Spider Fart. Anyways if you think yourself as batman then there will be a Joker to compliment you as well. I remember in my past company my evil manager gulped down a huge piece of chicken down his throat. After 3 or 4 hours he released the gas and my friends and me just vanished from the place. So in this scenario vaporizes is the best game plan. Flee Away!!
  5.  Few people who have championed this have known to have achieved Vendetta Fart. You can fart at the seat of co-worker which you don’t like and then get disappeared at a speed faster than light. That poor fellow will never know what hit him. Only few people have taken themselves to this level including me ;).


To become fart warrior you have to be a master of deception. But wait the joy of hitting a ‘no hold barred’ 400W PMPO fart is like no others. So even if you do it and you get caught then no need to worry.

Take it in your stride and reproduce the effect.  To get a MBA Degree in Fart Management pay me USD 50,000 and stay by bye to all your worries. 

So are you a fart warrior. Share your ideas in comment section.
Happy farting.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

What my Red 3 feet Punching bag taught me.



I bought a punching bag around six seven months back. I remembered when I placed it over my shoulder to hang it on the third floor of my house my balls got a short circuit as it was pretty heavy. Usually when I box I often feel that I am Rocky Balboa and some chicks are staring me from a corner in the word and I get pumped up. 







But in reality the hot chick who lived nearby my house is under strict scrutiny of her mother and because of this she is missing training of a Stalliaon. Till this previous paragraph I have used a trick which is called “Exaggeration” giggle. Reality is I usually get tired and loose focus  in a short span of around ten minutes and the only person who is witnessing me is a old men who is enjoying the sun on top of his roof and I guess he is myopic.

I got inspired by a youtube video  called Heavy Bag Boxing Drills - The 30-30-30  and got ready to practice it. I watched the video with precision and absorbed all the details. Till third round I was fucked up. I lost the focus and was breathing heavily. Then I just turned off my brain. Removed my boxing gloves and then though I was done for the day.  

 

 I changed the song on my music player and set it to Katy Perry :-The one that got away , cranked up the volume. The song started , I was tapping my feet wearing the Hand wraps and stated jumping and moving my feet like Rocky Balboa in eye of the tiger

 

Though I was no wear near the perfection with which Rocky Did it , I started hitting the back again. There was no technique but there were power in my punches. I loved the solid bam, thud  sound that came each time I hit the bag right. I felt I was in the zone and I start to love it. It is somewhat the same feeling I go through when I cycle. Read  http://humangb.blogspot.in/2013/03/cycle-wala-roadie.html

Usually in life we have to first follow rules which are traditional and then follow them. But there comes a time in your life when you have to forget everything, follow your gut and go with it. And I guess these are the things which defines how rules are written for others to follow. The choice is totally dependent on you. You either be a follower or a leader.

Like the saying goes Love is like playing the piano First you must learn to play by the rules then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.

This post is dedicated to wordpress ninja and fitness expert Lali Don who also owns a Punching bag and likes to beat the shit out of it.

Stay young Stay Raw!!


Friday, April 26, 2013

Deh Siva Var Mohe

Yesterday  I remembered these lines taught to me by my English Teacher in Schools. Now when I again looked it back it means a lot. It often happens with me that what I leaned in school I understand it now.

ਦੇਹ ਸਿਵਾ ਬਰੁ ਮੋਹਿ ਇਹੈ ਸੁਭ ਕਰਮਨ ਤੇ ਕਬਹੂੰ ਨ ਟਰੋਂ ॥
ਨ ਡਰੋਂ ਅਰਿ ਸੋ ਜਬ ਜਾਇ ਲਰੋਂ ਨਿਸਚੈ ਕਰਿ ਅਪੁਨੀ ਜੀਤ ਕਰੋਂ ॥
ਅਰੁ ਸਿਖ ਹੋਂ ਆਪਨੇ ਹੀ ਮਨ ਕੌ ਇਹ ਲਾਲਚ ਹਉ ਗੁਨ ਤਉ ਉਚਰੋਂ ॥
ਜਬ ਆਵ ਕੀ ਅਉਧ ਨਿਦਾਨ ਬਨੈ ਅਤਿ ਹੀ ਰਨ ਮੈ ਤਬ ਜੂਝ ਮਰੋਂ ॥੨੩੧॥
[1]


Deh siva bar mohe eh-hey subh karman te kabhu na taro.
Na daro arr seo jab jaye laro nischey kar apni jeet karo.
Arr sikh ho apne he mann ko, eh laalach hou gun tau ucharo.
Jab aav ki audh nidan bane att he rann me tabh joojh maro.


देह शिवा बर मोहे ईहे, शुभ कर्मन ते कभुं न टरूं
न डरौं अरि सौं जब जाय लड़ौं, निश्चय कर अपनी जीत करौं,
अरु सिख हों आपने ही मन कौ इह लालच हउ गुन तउ उचरों,
जब आव की अउध निदान बनै अति ही रन मै तब जूझ मरों ॥२३१॥


Translation: O Lord grant me the boon, that I may never deviate from doing a good deed.
That I shall not fear when I go into combat. And with determination I will be victorious.
That I may teach myself this greed alone, to learn only Thy praises.
And when the last days of my life come, I may die in the might of the battlefield.||231||
 

 -- Guru Gobind Singh

Friday, March 29, 2013

Cycle Wala Roadie :


Caution:- Lot of mixed emotions are written below which doesn’t makes sense. You will get confused. If you are afraid of the long article and it seems cumbersome to read it. I understand. It’s human. But if you somehow go through it, know that it doesn’t makes sense at all but in the end leaves a smile on your face, my job is done . Welcome to the club. You are insane like me. 


We all get a chance to meet some wonderful people during course of our life. Few days back on facebook wall of one of my iconoclast friends we called sharma g I saw this:
=========================================================================
Dear Dhanno
6 years and 60000 kms later, our love has only grown. You have taken me places and shown me the stars on nights in your lap. You have taken me to garages and shown me the stars in broad daylight too. Now, just as you may find it tough to see me held together with knee caps as I kick-start you every morning, I find it tough to see you held together with M-Seal and Fevi Kwik as you ferry me around every weekend. Age we may, part ways we may never. For we were born in an age where when things were broken, people fixed it, not throw it away. So let's grab some clutch plates and knee braces, let's catch some breeze on the open highway, let's take the first road out. Don't you worry, we're going to stay young at heart; never were meant to age gracefully anyway. :)
Ghumakkad

I was thinking to write for a long time and  I needed inspiration. Above description written from the heart and penned down by fingers on a keyboard at some place not far away from Chandigarh, was the drug I needed.  Before writing further, I must confess that I am not a die -hard biker but it doesn’t mean I don’t love it.  I own a magical 150 CC Pulsar (my cousin called it sulfur). 6 years and 18000 KM later , day in and day out I have shined it using Pidilite Moto Max polish and have commuted intercity on it. Any-day if given a chance , I would prefer it over driving a car. The reason being very simple. I hate  road traffic  and 

It’s frustrating to manoeuvre your car among so many other vehicles. I just hate it.
 
I started long driving on Maruti 800 when I was 18 and my mother gave me permission to drove car on the way from Chandigarh to Dharamshala with my family. It was 2004. I was young and I had just failed in my driving license test , fourth time in a row. The logic was pretty simple. My sister used to drove on the plain roads like Vin Diesel and when the curvy and steep roads used to show their face, I was told to take the lead. Pretty strange!! At first, I thought I will never be able to complete the ride but I just did and reached the place safely. Most of my long hill drivers are in Himachal and few in Haryana , Punjab, Delhi. I don’t like latter due to pollution.  While driving a car you always have to focus on the road which is pretty difficult when you have brilliant hill views. It becomes difficult to stop in a car as it will slide backward if you stop it on a steep inclination and a stupid truck driver is about to kiss rear bumper of your car. I always call myself a driver. You feel like you are sitting in a shell and wind is touching your face but your heart remains untouched. Feet are busy in juggling between A, B, C accelerator , break and clutch but the some-where your legs are closed inside a moving box. The faster and bigger your engine is the more agile your car will be. A lot of rash driving happens on highways travelers pay utter disregard to traffic and road sense. 



Last year I got inspired by my friend Rohit Dogra and bought a cycle. I never thought a new story will begin and yes it just did. I was riding a bike after 10 years. First time when I peddled from the shop to my home over a distance of 2.5 KM I was tired. My heart was pumping as fresh blood roared through it and my thighs felt collapsed. I felt my muscles breaking. Somewhere I loved the pain as I remembered the quote Pain is weakness leaving the body.  Few days after, I installed a social fitness app called Strava on my shining android to  records and measures speed and time of my ride. It felt pretty cool. 

Driving a cycle is all together a different from driving a car or motorcycle.  Very first time I seated on saddle and peddle it reminds me of my school where I used to commute daily. There were no gears, No GPS but my heart was pure and mind was free of clutter. I used to do Drifts. In local language we called it Skids and felt like king of the world. In skid you travel a short distance at a faster pace and then press the rear break, turn the handle so bike rear Tyre gets drifted leaving mark on the road. Fast and Furious is full of this technique but they do it on cars. They also do it on motorbike. It’s pretty cool. I don’t remember the exact word. I am a green horn in motor biking. So forgive me. 

When I ride, I feel light .The early morning wind brushes through my body, goes through my windpipe and gets dissolved in your heart. Yes!! , you can feel the moment and believe me it’s amazing. My read beauty Hero Cycle takes me to places where I wouldn’t have gone and on the saddle I see things from a different perspective. You will observe so many minute details on the road which you don’t get a chance to feel on Bike or on a car. Cycling is a low impact sport when compared to running and I love it. I am not very good with running and for some strange reason I don’t like to run much. May be I am douche bag but that’s how things are. Earlier I was peddling 4 or 5KM but now I can peddle around 20 -25KM easily on one stretch. Some- thing amazing has happened. Now I create maps in my head that when next day I will wake up where I want to go , think about the road map over and over again and next morning I do it. So every day I wake up there is some purpose which doesn’t include career, money and all that bull shit. It’s plain, basic and raw. I feel wonderful after a ride and get pumped up for the entire day. 

On morning you will always found labor on their Atlas gold line Super 1970 model. They have such power in them that they will overtake you with their spouse sitting behind them and no matter what speed you have or how many gear your bike has. You can’t audacity of heart. 

During cycling, lots of voices will go through your mind about ambitions, family, home, Maslow theory (http://humangb.blogspot.in/2012/05/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-vs-my.html) and a moment will come when everything  stops. Your mind will be clear. Your cycle gains momentum and you will live in the moment. Your body will be surrounded by a cosmic or natural shell of atmosphere. It’s something surreal and at that moment rush of happiness flows through in your veins. It has happened with me. I observed the grass, the sun , the wind and that is the moment when I felt that I don’t need any fancy money or title to live. The moment that god has created for you is priceless and I felt very happy to be born. That is the real joy which no currency in the world can bought. It’s like a sweet spot in tennis. A mental relief which you will love. 


My friends and especially elder members of my family are happy to see me cycle and some time they take away my red beauty and take it for a spin.  At that moment I feel they have reinvented the kid or the young men they were 30 /40 years back. So I am peddling 

While riding my eyes always look for a pretty chick in grey lower and pink shirt but till date I haven’t found one however I have seen Peacocks/Monkeys/Squirrels  and fat uncles on cycle. 

I wish I keep on peddling for a long time to come. Cover at least 300 /400 Km on one trip and would like to go to Leh on cycle if possible. If not let’s make it possible. I am sure there are lots of new places in the world which are beautiful and heaven for riders so I would like to go there once. 

My time is limited. So I get up, and do what I like. It’s a realization I came across that cycling may be very few of the things which I love. Let’s not get separated. Lot of roads are there which I haven’t touched, Lots of peacocks are there which I haven’t seen and lots of chicks in Payjamas haven’t shown their serene beauty to me on cycle.  So I am trying hard to make it count and Live Strong.

I have given my self the title called  Cycle wala roady !! Sounds pretty cool to me.   Now can anyone please get me a new cycle seat.The one on my cycles hurts my ass oooouch!!

This post is dedicated to my friends

Stay Young Stay Raw!!